apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Randomize
