Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
What happened to fro yo and sex?
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
