forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
It's shark week go big or go home
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
