Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Small penises have feelings too.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Randomize
