She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
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