Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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