It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
