at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Someone signed my nipple.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
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