He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
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