No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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