Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Sext me about skeletons
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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