My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
