genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
