If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Randomize
