I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
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