im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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