thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
