Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
