Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
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