Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Randomize
