:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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