dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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