$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
It's never too late to be topless.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Randomize
