Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize