Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
The feeling are messing with the penis
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Randomize
