WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Randomize
