Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
