So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
