I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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