Farmville is her only friend.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
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