i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
