yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Just invented taco cereal.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
