singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Randomize
