I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
There r osticjed everywhere
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
True strength comes from lack of pants
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize