Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
This toilet bowl is my home.
Randomize
