If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize