thus making me awesome and them whores
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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