I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Randomize
