Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
