Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
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