I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Randomize
