I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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