Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
