In the future we'll all be gay
I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
The chlamydia really affected his face.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Randomize