I hate all girls vehemently.
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
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