and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Randomize
