Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
