Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
