5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
I am midnight drunk by noon
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Randomize
