I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
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