Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
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