If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
do herpes really smell.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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