oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize