Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize