you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Randomize
