Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
