definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Randomize
