thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
