Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
