If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
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