last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Randomize
