I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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