she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
This couple is walking their pig around campus
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
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